Learning That Avoiding Something Doesn’t Make It Go Away

I sometimes find that once I start avoiding something in certain areas of my life, I tend to continue to avoid it until it, essentially, blows up in my face. It's like a game of finding temporary relief from the things I'm avoiding through self-sabotage (disclaimer: I don't recommend playing this game). It's sometimes even things I enjoy doing/know are good for me. In this case, I've been avoiding posting on here. But, hey, what's up, hello… Here I am, no longer avoiding sharing my thoughts & feelings on the internet because, as strange as it may sound, I truly love this and profoundly miss it.

I'm not sure why I recently have put so much pressure on myself when it comes to what I share here. Part of me (sadly) believes it's influenced by a fear of what people might think of me. I get really vulnerable on here, and as much as I try to embody this "fuck it" ethos, it's sometimes hard not to let the (potential) opinions of others get in the way. Especially when I don't always know how people are actually resonating with what I have to say.

I notice that I sometimes find it easier to write my feelings and share them on the internet with hundreds of, essentially, strangers than it is to talk about them with my closest friends and family. It's a strange yet, oddly beautiful concept.

But lately, whenever I have attempted to share my thoughts on here, I have this inner voice (more so a bully) that likes to convince me that I'm the worst and that no one cares about what I have to say. So, yeah, that's where I've been for a bit, but, as they say, nothing changes if nothing changes, and I'm here to end this cycle. And I must say that already writing this feels like I just took 100 pounds off my shoulders.