Embracing Change Through Healing, Love, and Hugs

Out of all the days in a year, today stands out as a poignant reminder for me to pause and count my blessings. 3 years ago today I awoke projectile vomiting with a resting heart rate of 140 bpm. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I knew something was wrong. 3 days later, I was admitted to the intensive care unit (ICU) due to diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA). The doctors informed me that had I delayed seeking medical attention any further, the outcome would have been tragically different.

At that time of my life, I was really struggling both physically and mentally. I remember feeling devoid of hope for the future. It wasn't that I wanted to end my life, but rather that I couldn't envision a fulfilling narrative unfolding before me. I was (barely) going through the motions – I wasn't truly living, and I couldn't fathom a future for myself.

I feel compelled to extend a warm hug to the person I was back then, even though the Hallie of that time really didn't like hugs or physical affection. I'm not 100% sure why I had become a self-proclaimed "No Hugs Zone," surrounded by caution tape and warning signs…but I believe there is a deeper meaning behind this sentiment. I think that version of myself was so disconnected from my own being that I couldn't even embrace myself metaphorically, let alone enjoy the warmth of a hug from others. I used to feel ashamed of that version of myself, maybe even a tad judgmental. But I am gradually gaining a more compassionate view of that former version of me. I was lost, in pain, and desperate for guidance and understanding.

The growth I have experienced since that time 3 years ago makes me profoundly emotional. The person I was then would never have imagined the place I find myself today. I have never lived life to the fullest as I am now. And for that "No Hugs Zone," – It has now become a hub of warm embraces… Here I am living in TLV with French roommates, with whom I share warm hugs paired with not just one, but TWO kisses—and I dont know, it might sound trivial, but to me, it feels like a testament to the growth and openness that I have gained in the past few years, and for that, I'm grateful.

Sending love (and hugs) 🫂