CONFRONTING MY INTRUSIVE BODY IMAGE THOUGHTS

I’ve been really struggling with my body image lately and I’ve been holding onto it and not telling anyone. Yesterday I saw a picture of myself and I barely could identify who I was bc of my body and it lead to a lot of emotions coming to the surface. This platform is one of my most favorite outlets, so here I am, getting real with you all.

Thoughts that were going through my mind last night:

• None of my summer clothes from last year fit me. How did I get to where I am right now? I know part of it was health-related but I’m confused about how I got to this point and it makes me so sad.

• I know many of you would suggest getting rid of the clothes that don’t fit me, but that doesn’t feel possible for me. I have accumulated a wardrobe that I love and am very proud of and most items are irreplaceable. Fashion is how I express myself, it’s how I find most of my confidence, and all the clothes I love don’t fit me anymore. It makes me so sad.

• I always say, “dont put your life on hold because of how you feel about your body,” but I feel like to some degree that’s hypocritical of me to say because I am. I will avoid social situations, vacations, pictures, and talking to boys because of how I feel I look. I wish I didn’t but I do.

• On the topic of boys, I feel like my body is at such a different place than what it used to be and that I have to change the whole pool of boys I “go for.” I’m convinced that no boy will ever like me because of my body, and whenever I start talking to a boy, I ghost them because I convince myself that if I ever see them in person again they will be “grossed out.”

If you are struggling with your body image right now, I’m proud of you. This can be so so hard. Some days (like today) all I want to do is crawl into bed and never get out. All I want to do is skip every meal but I know that does way more damage than good.

I’m at such a good place in my life right now, but some days are just much harder than others. Last week, I was at peace with my body. Today, I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. The road to self-love is not linear, but I will keep going down it.