ghost anxiety

I’ve been feeling extra anxious recently…

Whether it’s been about posting on here (hence why I’ve been kind of M.I.A), hanging out with friends, introducing a new idea at work, going out for dinner, etc. I’ve just been really dancing with anxiety lately 💃🏼

I feel like I have what I like to call: “ghost anxiety” (a term I made up that basically means hidden/secret anxiety). I say this because I generally feel anxious, but no one around me would be able to tell. Actually, people who meet me for the first time usually say the first thing they notice about me is how confidently I carry myself. Funny how that works.

I notice that I try to hide my anxiety. It’s like I have a tiny secret closet in my brain, and when I’m around other people, I shove my anxious voice inside it. I guess it’s because sometimes I worry that people around me will judge my anxious thoughts and think I’m “overreacting” or being “dramatic.” And I’m good at hiding it (not a flex). But, this makes me feel even more anxious because I’m resisting and suppressing my feelings.

This all makes me feel like a total hypocrite because I preach that we should talk about our feelings and have conversations to take steps in ending the stigma around mental health…Yet...Here I am… Attempting to hide my anxiety in fear of others opinions?! eeeek😐

So… this is something I’m going to try to work on. I truly feel like my experience with anxiety lately has resulted from resisting my feelings and shutting them down out of insecurity, so, from now on, I will try to be ~confidentially anxious~. I am proud of who I am as a person, and that includes ALL parts of me. I am now #ProudAndAnxious.