You ≠ Your Emotions

The other day I found myself stuck in a negative thought loop. At first, I was able to move past it, but eventually, it felt like it took over. I started to fall back into my sad (and somewhat maladaptive) tendencies. Instead of moving through and out of the sadness, I attached to it and fed it. I quickly became immersed in the sense of comfort that feeling of sadness gave me.

I sometimes find that feeling sad feels more comfortable than not feeling sad. I know that might sound strange to some people, but to me, feeling sad can feel familiar and, therefore, safer. Because of this, it sometimes feels like I am choosing to maintain—rather than alleviate—the emotion. In case I’ve lost you, it is kind of like when you’re feeling down and then turn on sad music just to reinforce that feeling.

Even though I am generally in a good mental state right now, I found myself falling back into old patterns and sad tendencies after being presented with a stressful situation. But, I also knew (thanks to therapy) that I had to be really careful of not indulging in the familiar sadness even though it felt comfortable to me.

So, I tried an exercise that helped me feel my emotions + feelings and also detach from them. I imagined myself pulling the feeling of sadness out of my body (I pictured it coming out of my chest area). Then, I imagined myself holding it in my hands in front of me. As simple as this exercise may sound, picturing the emotion in my hands allowed me to differentiate and detach from sadness as an identity by only seeing it as an emotion. It also gave me a better sense of control and regulation over my emotions.

This did not exactly eliminate the sadness, but I could now see myself for much more than my emotions. Sadness is just a visitor in my body that comes and goes.

My key takeaways from this experience:

1) While falling back onto sad tendencies feels easier and more comfortable at times, it does not serve me well in the long run.

2) It is critical to accept and feel my feelings + emotions, but it is also important not to become them or make them my identity. My emotion ≠ me.